


What I'm Feeling is Real

by hoffkk



Series: In It For The Long Game [1]
Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Age Difference, First Kiss, I know what I feel, Sneaking Out, college party, joshaya, not a crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 14:12:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4103809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoffkk/pseuds/hoffkk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maya talks Riley into crashing a college party with her, so she can keep the college girls away from Josh.  The night  doesn't go exactly as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I'm Feeling is Real

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story based off of the season 2 episode Girl Meets the Tell-Tale-Tot. My story basically falls in line with the episode up until the party scene, which I tweaked a bit. I also added two additional scenes after that, creating my own more emotional ending. Hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think!
> 
> Just wrote a sequel as of 6-27-2015. Check it out... http://archiveofourown.org/works/4220766/chapters/9543021

"Maya?  Riley?  What are you guys doing here?"  Josh questioned as he stood up from the bed he had been sitting on, face full of surprise.  They were the last people he expected to see at this college party.

"Nothing.  We were actually just leaving."  Maya stated matter-of-factly, trying to play it cool.  On the inside, she was livid.  Maya was gonna kill Riley for pushing her into this room and this situation.  It was obvious that she was too late.  These girls were already digging their hooks into Josh, and he was clearly a willing participant.

"What are you talking about?"  Riley questioned, but before Maya could stop her bubbly best friend, she babbled on.  "We snuck out of my window, so you could prevent these 'college witches' from casting a spell over Josh and stealing him away."

Josh's eyes bugged, while Maya squeezed hers shut and pressed her lips into a firm line.  Opening them a second later she spoke.

"Riles,"  Maya began slowly, " _you_ know that that's the truth, and _I_ know that, but _Josh_ was not supposed to know that."  She smiled to hide her annoyance.

"Ooooh, right."  Riley nodded in understanding, then looked to everyone else in the room.  "Psssssht!  I mean, were here to par-tay with the cool kids!  Woot!  Woot!"  Riley said, making a raise the roof gesture for added effect.

Maya just face palmed, shaking her head.  This was going so much worse than she imagined.

"Well, come on in and hang out with the party master."  The guy standing next to Josh said as he popped the collar of his green button down.  He was taller than Josh and had dark skin and coarse black hair.  He seemed nice, but Maya wasn't interested.  She just wanted to go home.

"I'm Andrew."  He greeted flirtatiously, extending his hand for a shake as he flashed a smile.

"I'm in middle school."  She retorted, crossing her arms.

"Whoa!" Andrew yelled, stepping back quickly, throwing his hands up in an 'I surrender' position to show he wasn't anywhere near the underage girl.  "Josh, they can't be here."  He said, nodding to Maya and Riley.

"I know, I get it.  This was clearly a _very_ bad idea."  Maya affirmed.  "We'll just be going now."  She added, then turned to exit the room with Riley at her side, but before she could take a step, one of the girls in the room spoke up, stopping her in her tracks.

"No, it wasn't."  One of the college girls said, stepping forward towards Maya.  "I think it was a very sweet idea."  Maya turned and studied the girl in front of her.  She wore a red sweater with a pink design across the top and skinny jeans with heeled ankle boots that accentuated her long legs.  The girl also had long dark brown hair that was straightened and half-pulled up.  She looked perfect, much to Maya's dismay.

Maya was about to respond, but suddenly the girl's friend got up from the bed next to the one Josh had been sitting on, and joined in the conversation.  "Jasmine's right.  It was totally sweet."

Annoyed at girl number two's perfection, Maya heaved a big sigh, crossing her arms again.  She was like an adorable, Asian pixie with long, black hair that hung all the way down her back and bangs that covered her forehead.  Her stature and outfit were similar to Jasmine's, and what she could only describe as college girl chic.

"Right, sweet."  Josh faked agreement, tone dripping with sarcasm.  "And not at all creepy."

Maya just rolled her eyes.

"Creepy?  Please!"  Andrew piped up.  "I would love it if a girl did something like that for me."

Maya smiled at his sentiment, while Riley just stood silently next to her, listening to the conversation.  "Well, I'm glad someone approves."  Maya noted.

All of a sudden, a sorority girl busted through the door screaming, "INITIATION TIME!"

"YAY!"  Riley cheered as the girl blindfolded her and walked her out of the room.

Josh shook the look of confusion off his face before chasing after them with Andrew in toe.  "Come on, bring her back!" He called.

Maya just stood in an awkward silence for a moment, until the pixie girl spoke up.  "So, what's the deal with you and Josh?"

"Nothing,  there is no deal." Maya assured.

"Don't worry." Jasmine said.  "Charlotte and I can keep a secret, now spill!"  She demanded, sitting Maya down on the bed in-between them.

"Fine...the thing is, he's Riley's uncle, and I have these feelings for him, but he just sees me as this annoying little kid.  So, I was hoping that if I came here tonight..."  She trailed off.

"He would see you as more grown up."  Charlotte finished.

Maya nodded at the girl's words.

Before they could say anything more, Andrew, Josh, and Riley came barreling back through the door.

"Whatcha guys talking about?" Andrew questioned.

"None of your business, party master."  Maya asserted, her tone dry.

"Maya was just clarifying a few things for us."  Jasmine explained.

"Ahhh,"  Riley said, reading in-between the lines, "You told them about your crush on Josh, didn't you?"

"It's _not_ a _crush_!" Maya exclaimed as she stood, obviously irritated by the word.  She didn't know what to consider her feelings for Josh as, but she knew it was something much more than just a stupid crush.

The college girls stood as well, wanting to push further on the subject.  Instead, Josh spoke up next.

"Look, you can call it whatever you want, the bottom line is I 'm still too old for you, Maya." He told her before plopping back down in his spot on the bed.  Andrew joined him.

"I know, I get it.  Trust me, I've grasped the concept."  She rolled her eyes.  "Let's go, Riley."

"Wait a minute!"  Charlotte demanded as she grabbed her by the forearm and turned her back around.  "What are you guys on about?"

Maya let out a breath, then proceeded to explain.  "Josh is 17, and I'm 14, and while _I_ see the age gap as nothing, _he_ sees it as the biggest deal in the world."

"Well, if it is any consolation, I think you're both right." Jasmine declared as Josh and Maya just stared at her quizzically.

"What do you mean?"  Maya asked.

Jasmine put a hand on Maya's shoulder as she spoke.  "Normally, I would agree that a three year age difference is nothing."

"Told ya."  Maya said confidently, smiling broadly a Josh.

"But..."  Jasmine went on.  "Middle school and college are two different worlds.  Right now, you two are at different places in your life, making three years a pretty significant age gap."

"Told ya." Josh smiled back as he stood up cockily.

"Sit down."  Jasmine and Charlotte scolded in unison.

"Yeah, okay."  Josh agreed, letting his smile fall and planting himself back on the bed.

The girls turned their attention back to Maya.  This time it was Charlotte's turn to speak.

"The good news is that, in a few years, you'll be 18 and a freshman in college, and Josh will be 21."  Charlotte smiled at her.

"Yeah," Jasmine agreed, "and by that time, Josh will be a lot smarter due to his college education."

"Smart enough that he just may learn to see you differently, as the brave and amazing girl that you truly are." Charlotte added.

"Then you can go from there and see what happens, assuming you still have feelings for him."  Jasmine threw in.

Maya blushed and bit her lip nervously.  It was weird having this conversation with two girls she barely knew, but the weirdest part was that Josh was in the room, hearing all of it.

"I guess..." Maya shrugged.

"Wait, do you really think that you'll still have this crush after four years?"  Riley inquired.

"It's _not_ a _crush_!"  Maya shouted for the second time tonight.  "I know how I feel.  I may be young, but... I _really_ like you, Josh."  She said, turning to face him as she spoke the last few words.

"No, you don't." Josh stood up and stood firm.  "You just _think_ that you do.  In reality, you don't even really know me, Maya."

Maya was taken aback.  "Are you serious right now?"  She asked incredulously, fighting the urge to slap him across the face.

"He does make a good point, Maya."  Riley stated, agreeing with Josh's statement.  "I mean, you have only seen him a handful of times over this past year.  Can you honestly say you know anything about him, specifically?"

Maya was furious.  She was angry that Josh called her out on her feelings like that, but she was even angrier that Riley was taking his side.  Best friends were supposed to stick together.

"You know what?  You guys are right.  I know _nothing_ about you, Josh, so I couldn't _possibly_ have legitimate feelings for you.  For instance, I don't know that that hat you are wearing is your favorite, not only because it's blue, which is your favorite color, but because Auggie gave it to you for your birthday.  Speaking of Auggie, I also don't know how you love him like he was your own brother, and I don't know how you always make time to hang out with him when you are visiting.  And speaking of brothers, I also clearly have no idea how your brother Cory is your role model.  I don't know that you look up to him more than anyone in the world and that that's why you drove all the way from Philadelphia just to open your letter from NYU in front of him."  Maya paused to shake her head at him and let her words sink in a moment before delivering the final blow.  "Yeah, you're right, Josh.  I know absolutely _nothing_ about you."

Josh just stood there opened mouthed, not realizing how much she actually noticed about him.  She may just know him better than some of his friends from home, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that.

Andrew took over his silence by hitting him in the arm and saying, "Dude, what's wrong with you?"

Jasmine and Charlotte just stood there, looking impressed by Maya's speech, while Riley appeared to be almost as shocked as Josh, who finally decided to say something.

"Maya, I -" He started, but she didn't let him finish.

Maya couldn't take it anymore and finally decided to do what she had been wanting to do all night: leave.

"Just forget it.  I'm outta here."  Maya told him, then spun around and fast-walked out of the room.

*******

"Maya, wait up!"  Riley called as she chased after her best friend.  Maya ignored her and kept walking.

"Maya, please!"  Riley tried again.  "I'm sorry!"

They had just exited the dormitory and walked down the front steps, when Riley yelled her apology, causing Maya to finally stop and turn around.

"For what exactly?" She queried.  "For doubting my feelings or for ganging up on me with your uncle."

"Both." Riley answered.  "We are best friends, Maya.  That means it's our duty to always be there for each other and to back each other up, but tonight... tonight I failed my duty, I failed you.  And for that I am really sorry.  I just hope you can forgive me."

Riley gave her those puppy dog eyes that she wore so well, and Maya just couldn't stay mad.

"Of course, I can."  Maya said then smiled.  "I mean, I guess I can't blame you too much for siding with family."   She relented with a shrug.

"Yes, you can because you are my family too.  You aren't just my friend, Maya, you're my sister, and sisters come before uncles _every_ time."  Riley smiled broadly, placing a hand on Maya's shoulder.

"Good to know."  Maya grinned back before giving Riley a make-up hug.

As they hugged, Maya looked over Riley's shoulder and saw Josh coming down the stairs.  When he came over, they broke their embrace.

"What do you want, Josh?"  Maya asked, feeling irritated.

"To walk you two home.  You guys shouldn't be out this late by yourselves."  He explained.

"Thanks, we'd appreciate your company." Riley said, trying to break some of the tension.

"Whatever."  Maya muttered and began walking away, keeping a good few feet in front of Josh.

Riley shrugged at her uncle, and followed her friend's lead, moving quickly to keep pace beside her.

Josh let out a breath, shaking his head as he trailed behind them.  _Worst.  College.  Party.  Ever._ He said to himself.  It probably could have been a contender for the worst night ever as well, if it hadn't been for what had happened on the way home.

*****

Josh had just walked Riley back to her family's apartment and watched her climb the fire escape up to her room.  After making sure his niece was safely inside, he proceeded to walk Maya to her mom's place.  They had walked a few feet, when Maya suddenly stopped and turned to face Josh, placing a hand on her hip.

"You  know, you really don't have to do this.  It's like a ten minute walk.  I'll be fine."  Maya assured, just wanting to be away from him, and done with this night.

"I know, but I'm going to anyway."  Josh replied with a curt nod.

"Whatever you say, Beanie-Boy."  She responded sarcastically before turning back around and continuing the walk home.  Josh shook his head as he stifled a smile and followed suit.

They walked the whole way there in complete silence, though Maya did let him keep pace with her.  It gave her a sense of peace.  She would never admit it, but she was glad that he was walking her home,  New York could be a pretty scary place after dark.

As they got to the old, battered apartment complex that Maya resided in, she felt a wave of relief.  The door was only a few yards away.

She stopped and looked at Josh, who stood there indifferently, hands hidden in his pants pockets.

"Well, bye."  She said bitterly.  If he thought , she was gonna be nice and thank him after everything that went down tonight, he had another thing coming.

She made it two feet before she heard Josh's voice behind her.  "Maya, wait..."  Josh began.

" _What_?" She spat, turning around and crossing her arms.

"Please, don't be mad at me."  He begged.  "I mean, I know I rejected you, but- "

"Rejection?  You think that's why I'm mad?"  She asked disbelievingly, arching one of her  blonde eyebrows.  "Because you rejected me?"

"Well, yeah."  Josh admitted with a shrug, not sure where she was going with this.

"Unbelievable."  Maya muttered to herself, shaking her head as she threw her arms back down to her sides. "Josh, you reject me all the time, I'm used to it."  She is also used to feeling rejected by her parents, but Maya wasn't about to open up that can of worms.

"So, why are you mad then?"  Josh questioned, confusion apparent in his face.

"Because,"  She stated, placing her hands on her hips.  "You didn't _just_ reject me, you completely devalued my feelings for you."  Before Josh could respond, Maya continued.  "Do you have any idea how much that hurt me?  How insignificant I felt at that moment?"

With each question, she moved closer to him, so they were now standing  right in front of each other.

Josh rubbed the back of his neck and bit his lip.  He didn't know that he had hurt her, but he did now.  He could see the anguish in her blue eyes, and it made his heart twinge with guilt.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Maya.  I was just... frustrated."  He explained , placing a hand on her shoulder.  "It's like, every time I start hanging out with a girl that I like, you pop up and ruin it."

With that she removed his hand and sighed.  "Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore."

"Why not?" Josh asked curiously.  "Cause you suddenly don't have feeling for me anymore?" He smirked and quirked a brow, ready to call her bluff.

"Of course, not."  Maya said seriously, her tone soft.  "As hard as it may be for you to understand and accept, Josh, I have real feelings for you, and I probably always will..."  She trailed off before continuing with another thought.  "But, I have realized tonight that sometimes having feelings for someone just isn't enough.  So, starting in the next 15 seconds, I am moving on and letting you go."

"Why 15 seconds?"  Josh wondered aloud.

"Because I would never forgive myself, If I didn't do one thing first."  Maya told him.

"What's that?" He probed further.

"This."  She said, then proceeded to grab his face between her hands and plant a soft kiss on his lips that lasted about three seconds.  It was the longest, most glorious three seconds of her life.  She was officially having her first kiss and with Joshua Matthews, no less.

Josh was caught completely off guard and remained frozen, while Maya kissed him.  The only part of him that actually moved were his eyes, which he closed in reflex.

When Maya pulled back, she let her hands linger a moment on his face before dropping them and walking back toward her apartment unit.

With brow knitted in confusion and mouth hanging partially open, Josh watched her walk away without doing or saying anything.  He was still processing what had just happened.  All of a sudden, a thought struck Josh, hitting him like a bucket of cold water.  Maya had just kissed him, and he _liked_ it.  He shook his head, mentally convincing himself that he was just tired and his emotions were in overdrive due to the party and fight with Maya.  Either way, he felt like he should say something.

"Maya?"  Josh called out.

Maya had decided to just go through the front door.  Her mom was home, no doubt she would be in big trouble for sneaking out, but Maya figured it was time to act like the adult she wanted to be seen as and take responsibility for her actions.  She had just grabbed the door knob when she heard Josh's voice call her name.  She turned around halfway to face him, hand still clutching the door.  "Yeah?"

"I-I just..."  Josh stammered nervously.  "I wanted to say goodnight.  Goodnight, Maya."  He finished lamely, giving her that boyish grin that she adored.

"Goodbye, Josh."  She smiled sadly, before going inside and leaving him in the darkness behind her.  Once she was in the comfort of her own home, she leaned against the door and reflected on her last words to Josh.

Maya's goodbye sounded like a forever kind of goodbye, but she really hoped it wasn't.  She hoped that one day Josh would come back to her.  It's like that hallmark movie she caught the other day said, "If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours.  If they don't, they never were."

 _Love._  Maya mulled the word over in her mind for a moment.  Yes, she was in love with Joshua Matthews, and no, she wasn't too young to feel that way, no matter what anyone else said.  The real question was whether or not Josh was _the one_.  Again, Maya had hope, but ultimately, only time would tell.  Maya sighed deeply.  She was about to experience the longest four years of her life.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I hope you liked it, and it was worth the read. I just felt so inspired by the episode that I had to re-write my own version. I just love Joshaya so much! They're too cute! I hope we get to see much more of them throughout season 2 and so on! Anyway, I apologize for any errors you may have found along the way. This is my first Joshaya fic, but I will probably write more eventually. I mean, they're so cute, how could I not? In the mean time, you can check out my other stories, which are Arrow and Flash related, or you can check out my tumblr page at the same name: hoffkk. Please and thank you! Love you all!


End file.
